It doesn't really suck. Does it?

Wednesday, July 17, 2013 § 0

"I'll be like, you-moron-you-are-so-not-leaving-me-first-let-me-have-the-opportunity-to-break-up-with-you..."
Here I am in the middle of the year, still single as fuck. It's been five months since I broke up with my last boyfriend. Five fucking months. I don't know how I did it, but I did, alright. This calls for a celebration. Of me coming out of that shell of fear-- fear of being alone and left alone. My Facebook status had been defaulted to 'in a relationship' for the longest time, though not with just one guy. I've had not more than five boyfriends in a span of eight years. Every one of them turned out to be total jerks. I'm not washing my hands, and start bitching around like I almost always do when it comes to talk about the opposite sex. I have to admit, I had been guilty as well. We all have the potential of becoming a jerk. With the exception of that so-called first love, I was always the one who left first. Just one strong trigger, or deal-breaker, and I'll be like, you-moron-you-are-so-not-leaving-me-first-let-me-have-the-opportunity-to-break-up-with-you.

Yeah, pretty lame, I know. Infantile even. I don't expect you to understand. That's just, it's just become a part of who I am. Believe me, I never got any satisfaction whatsoever every time I did that.

And how am I faring? I'm doing quite well, to be honest. Singlehood has it's rewards. I have sooo much time for myself now. I have the freedom to do whatever I wanna do, things I couldn't when I was still attached. It doesn't really suck that much.

It's so hard to get into a relationship, harder even to be in one. You have to be very patient, understanding, considerate, selfless. You have to put up with a lot of crap, i.e. your partner's gross habits. Sometimes, you have to cast your ego aside. Sometimes, you need to cancel important appointments just to be with him/her. When you fight, you have to know when exactly to patch things up. You have to see each other on a fairly, constant basis, sacrificing your solitude. And the list goes on.

But I have to admit-- I miss being in a relationship. I miss being in love, cuddling, waking up in bed with someone. I miss the intimacy and the knowledge that you are in love with someone who loves you as much, or more, even. I miss having a good-enough friend who cares about my well-being, laughs at my dumb jokes, understands my imperfections, endures my quirks. I miss spending time, doing things two people both love doing together, talking about stuff, laughing about private jokes, fighting and making up after, staring into eyes filled with love, longing, and lust, all at once directed at me..

Oh, this is getting cheesy.

Alright, I take it. It sucks being single.

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