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we'll be where we were before..

Friday, June 21, 2013 § 8

Because we love talking to each other and it's only me and you and we're smoking too many cigarettes and you're drinking too much coffee and the clock says it's 4am and we say good night and it will only be morning after we wake up.. I love those mornings when I wake up after only 4 hours of sleep running on nothing but nicotine and with you right by my side. I can go on all day staring at that sleeping face and that body totally prone, and listening at that snore, which sounds like a cat's snore and I love talking to you and writing about you and doing things with you and it feels like one of those afternoons I love when there is no sun and it's not raining and there are only puffy clouds and the cool breeze is blowing and it's beautiful. Because you are beautiful-- your body and mind and soul and everything you do is beautiful and the way you make me feel. Boy you make me feel beautiful. You make me feel special and perfect and important and lucky and complete and you make me feel that I am beautiful just the way I am. You gave me a place to stay in this world and it's where I want to be and that place is your heart. And I am happy staying in it and I hope that it gives you love. Love for family, and love for friends, and love for every breathing creature, love for the people who mean to you and love for the people who don't mean as much.. Love for people who made things right for you and love for people who wronged you.. I hope that it gives you peace and acceptance and hope and faith and trust and I hope it gives you happiness and sheer joy. Because you deserve all these good things because you are a good man.  And you deserve to feel all those things because you make me feel all those things. I don't know what that means really. I understand that these things make me feel good, and I understand that that’s a good thing, but I don’t really understand what all this means. I don’t know why we are who we are. I don’t understand why it ever became us. I don’t know where this is going, and I don’t know what will happen next. I don’t know what is to come, or how it will be coming. I think I just said the same thing twice, but that’s how confusing it is to me. That’s how much none of this makes sense to me. But I know you make me feel good, and I know that’s good and I know that you should  hold on to things that do that to you. So I will. I will hold you tight. I keep thinking about you, I will keep talking to you, I will keep doing things with you, and writing about you and it’ll always feel like one of those afternoons I love when there is no sun and it's not raining and there are only puffy clouds and the cool breeze is blowing and it's beautiful. I will do these things every single day. Even days when we don’t talk, even when two days go by, three, four, a week, two weeks. You are in my heart and I am in your heart and we are always together even when we are apart because that’s what people do when they make each other feel good. They spend time together and it’s always on one of those afternoons when there is no sun and it's not raining and there are only puffy clouds and the cool breeze is blowing.. So despite the distance and despite our broken hearts and despite all of the hell and the demons and the memories that won’t wash away. And the pain that sometimes forces us to keep distant and the pain that sometimes forces us to silences and unanswered phone calls and unreturned texts, and days without each others voice. And despite what other people might say and their opinions and despite obligations and responsibilities and despite everything that might try to get in the way. You have me, and I have you. And that’s crazy and wonderful and perfect and imperfect and its different and we’re weird and it’s unconventional but it’s beautiful and it carries me through all my days. All those days until I am in your arms again.

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§ 8 Response to “we'll be where we were before..”

  • Hello Kae. I have read your comment to my blog entry. You said "long time" so I wondered if ever we have become blog friends in the past? Poor memory here. Haven't interacted to any bloggers for two years already. :)

    I like this post by the way. Hmm. Emotions poured all over? :) You must be inlove? or was inlove? or hoping to find love again? or rekindling the fire?

    Libre mo ako ng pizza sa August ha? hehe.

  • SPLICE says:

    Well I'll be damned --- you remind me of Frank McCourt! :)

    A sweet read, this exposition of yours, enough to give me diabetes, apart from hope in life.

    Continue, just continue. It's nice to read posts like this: beautiful in the way it grips the heart without pretense. :)

  • SPLICE says:

    Well I'll be damned --- you remind me of Frank McCourt! :)

    A sweet read, this exposition of yours, enough to give me diabetes, apart from hope in life.

    Continue, just continue. It's nice to read posts like this: beautiful in the way it grips the heart without pretense. :)

  • kae says:

    @ryan: yeah.. i used to go with the name karen, which is my real name.. and my blog url used to be different.. what's with august? pasado ka na ba? :)

    @splice: thanks! well, ill be damned.. i love frank mccourt's works! angela's ashes, 'tis, teacher man.. swell..


    actually this is a repost.. posted it before as a page.. :))

  • Oh how I love to write something as free as this...

    Hi there, Kae! :) I love it that our blogs have the same look (read: font, background). Haha! Expect me to put random comments on your posts on the coming days! Thanks for visiting my blog. :)

    Judy

  • krn says:

    I remember reading it before on a page accompanied with an edited photo of you and a sweetheart. ;)

  • kae says:

    sweetheart named peter pan. lolll

  • Anonymous says:

    Nice!