solipsistic drivelings.

So I was supposed to see The Hunger Games but ended up watching The Witness. I know I was a bit late watching it but I'm glad I did. For one thing, the film's protagonist is Filipina actress Gwen Zamora. She gave such a powerful performance, adding weight to the movie's already masterful plot. For another, I have this tireless penchant for suspense/thriller movies. It was good. Really. It's slow-paced, not that it's a bad thing because I love the large build up towards the ending. It's a must-see for horror fanatics, although, for those who haven't seen it yet, here's the gist: it's not your typical Pinoy horror movie. Don't expect scare-after-scare scenes. Really, those kinds of horror flicks are becoming overrated. Scratch that. They ARE overrated.

But, woah, I'm not here to talk about the movie. He he. I don't do film reviews. So... shall we start all over again? (:

So I was supposed to see The Hunger Games but ended up watching The Witness with Pharaon. Weird to call him that, yeah, it's a strange first name (at least, for someone Filipino) but I said weird because nobody really calls him that, because he answers with his surname, which sounds more like a first name. He he. Well, I like him. Not because we went out today, nbd, but because, well, I like him. A lot. He's nothing like my ex, M. He's one of those few really nice guys (if you know what I mean) and he knows exactly what to do with his life (something that M isn't capable of). It doesn't hurt either that he's cute. (;  Really I don't mean to sound puke-mellow, like a teenager-in-love, because, ya know, I'm no longer-- a teenager. Wait, did I just say in-love? Oh well scratch that. I don't wanna be a hypocrite and say I'm in love with this guy I know little about when I'm not even close to being over with my ex. I like him though. A lot. And he's everything that M is not. There's no comparison, really. I love M (Ugh, why can't I even put the 'd' to 'love'??) and I hate how much I do still. But I have finally come into my senses.

Ugh. Why does it always have to feel this way? So weird. And so corny. And the next lines are even cornier. When you just decided to ditch someone who used to be your world for someone who has the potential to become your world.. When you decided to forget about the love that was before and try to erase any of its ugly remnants.. If I could just discover a memory eraser, I would erase every memory I have with M and start all over again. Ugh. This just means that I'm still hung up with him. Big time. But, hey, I am so in the game of getting over him. I just have to. Sigh. How could I have put up with someone like him? But who's to blame really but only I. For giving him another chance for the nth time. You know how it feels when you just know that you have to give someone up because he's a jerk and is extremely arrogant and narcissistic, but didn't because maybe there's still hope, maybe he's really changed as he claimed, maybe this is just a challenge, maybe he's the one, and a lot more until all the maybe's had been exhausted. And all that's left is this: LET GO.

I still haven't figured out how to. I don't want to make the same mistake again of entering into yet another relationship without making sure that I'm over and done with the last one. Last time I did that, it was a total disaster. Karma's a bitch. I don't want to go through the whole insane thing again.

I can't cut him off either, make it out like it never happened and that we were nothing. Alright, it sounds like a song but anyhow, that didn't work either.

Oh well, there's still one 'maybe' left. Maybe I should just let the whole thing pass, not force myself into letting go nor run away from it, maybe the best thing to do is wait, which, ironically, is the worst part. Always.

But one day it will just happen, it will, it will.

Sure thing.