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R.I.P.

Sunday, December 25, 2011 § 3

first time kong mamatayan ng pasyente, nakakalungkot lang. ayoko ng maulit, ang hirap mag post-mortem care. gahhd. yung mata nya nakatirik isasara ko ba? nakatingin sya sakin. i swear saken sya nakatingin! kasalanan ko ba? i felt like my CPR wasnt enough, i felt like im not a good-enough nurse. damn it. i am mediocre. who cares if im merely sort-of mediocre at lots of stuff? im still mediocre. hay. hindi ko sya pinatay, ok? three days three nights ba namang nagra-range from 39 to 40 degree celsius yung temperature nya, luto na malamang utak nya. hays. ilang paracetamol iv ba talaga? every four hours ba? or kailangang every minute na? sana meron na lang gamot na 'Cool" lang ang label tas ang effect, ayun, cooling. magco-cool agad yung katawang nilalagnat. pero hindi yan ang point ko. ang point ko, first time ko namatayan ng pasyente at nakakagimbal yun na experience. ayoko na maulit. im not cut out for this. i guess. maya maya siguro, wala na tong feeling of macabre hysteria na nararamdaman ko. buti naman, nagawa ko pang mag-blog. itutulog ko na lang. sana lang sana lang.. nanay.. wag ka na munang magpaparamdam saken hah? patapusin natin ang christmas. );

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§ 3 Response to “R.I.P.”

  • I don't understand most of this, but your CPR was fine. The paracetamol you gave was enough. And you're a fine, conscientious nurse. I think your patient wants to thank you.

    Merry Christmas. There is goodness in the event- figure it out.

    xoxo

    p.s. Mediocre is all you need to be to keep getting better in each of your days.

  • mayen says:

    I miss you karen. MUkang naging busy ka. I feel bad for you, nakakalungkot nga yan at sana nga wag na mulit sayo. Pero kailangan mo din tanggapin na part yan ng profession mo. Sad but true at di maiiwasan. You did your best, I'm sure of that.

    Anyway, sana naging happy ang pasko mo. :)

  • Sey says:

    I can't really say how it feels pero I know it's hard for you and I hope that experience wouldn't stop you in saving lives. maybe time na talaga niya.

    How are you? We miss :)