solipsistic drivelings.

Last night, you were rushing against time to save her life but you were too late because you were just in time to witness her die in front of you, blood all over her body. And you woke up and cried with relief because it was just a dream. Just one of those nightmares that haunted your nights..

And you called her and asked how she was and asked where she was because you wanted to see her probably to make sure that she is still alive and that last night was just a nightmare.

And so you spent the day together, watching YouTube videos and reading her blog and listening to the Pretty Reckless and Nelly Furtado. You bought chicken curry for lunch and you ate on the same plate.

You were talking about the future, of your plans together.

You were so comfortable together, so right for each other.

And you asked her to kiss you and she said no and you said you're going to kiss her anyway.

...
What went wrong? Why did you two break up? Why did she break up with you when you both know that it's a huge mistake and that's what her heart said so?

In just one year, you've grown more handsome than ever. You've matured physically  and mentally.

After one year, she could still feel her heart threatening to burst out of her chest.

Others had come and gone and it's you she hasn't got over with.. And she was sad that there had been others-- others she didn't even love, and care for.. She had to do that because she hated to be alone. And she was always the one who left first because she hated to be the one left, thanks to that first love. She was that disturbed.

More than a year ago, you were talking about the two of you living together, you were asking her how many kids she want. You were talking about your problems at home, and the war raging between you and your personal demons. And when you turn thirty, you said you're gonna kill yourself and it's up to her if she follows you.;( You were that weird..

Now, you are talking about marrying her and migrating to Canada and having as many kids as you want because there are so many years ahead of you. Because this time, there is no talk of suicide.

...
Now you are telling her that you want to make things right this time and that you still love her. And she said those words back to you and that makes her feel sad and scared.

Because she knows what you are capable of. You broke her heart so many times. You've crumbled the front she'd built for so many years. Each time she regained her footing, you came running back making her stumble and fall all over again.

You are definitely different from the others. She doesn't know what to do and she doesn't understand everything about you and everything that's happened between the two of you.

But she's glad that, at the end of the day, she didn't think about the heartaches and the memories and the pain that wouldn't wash away. Didn't you see that radiant smile on her face? Before you left, she kissed you. And somehow, that made things right even for just a while..