This is the truth. Talking is one of the things I am not good at. Contrary to what some people think, I am not a people person. It’s not easy for me to make new friends. It’s not that I am shy or that I feel uncomfortable when around other people. It’s something much much worse—let’s just say that I’m not exactly your poster girl for great conversation or witty small talks. Without the weather to ponder about, I am not exactly sure if I can still manage to utter a single (even a useless one, at that) word.
Well I’m not saying that the best way to earn your friends is talking your way in. Uhm, maybe yes. Sometimes no. But it would be awkward to hang out with people and not talk. That would be real weird, right?
Anyways, in my case, it takes so much effort to deal with other people. I mean they might have something negative to say once I start talking. As they always say, talk is cheap. Better shut up or make a fool out of yourself. And cultivating new friendships takes so much effort and time.
So one day, I decided to be a loner. I didn’t want to bother people and I didn’t want them to bother me. People would try to make small talk, ask questions, and all they got were monosyllabic responses. They didn’t need me anyway, I would tell myself. And I didn’t either. So basically, I did my job, rarely asked for help, and shut them all out.
That was my loner stage. And it didn’t do me any good. I began hating work because I didn’t have friends. I realized I wanted my workmates to be my friends. I realized that I haven’t exactly been as efficient as I should have been in the workplace. I disappointed people, deterred them, and made their life difficult. I wasn’t a good team player. I was just a selfish, little eff too wrapped up in my own selfish, little world.
THAT made me go wtf. But, then, I’ve known from the start talking is the easiest thing in the world if only I wasn’t too scrunched up, too insecure, and thinking way too much. Making new friends is actually much more fun than I thought if I would just loosen up, and stop being a cynic.
And then the sudden realization—whether I like it or not, life comes with dealing with other people. That while there are different kinds of people, we are all the same in one way or another. We are different people with different personalities forced to coexist with one another.
Oh well I may not feel too comfortable with all these but THIS is the way it works, and who am I to change that?